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Monday, September 06, 2004

dear karen horner, i collided with history and it shook me to the core. i wish i were in philadelphia, removed from all things. six of us are getting a richmond warehouse with an address that is only a fraction (1/2 east marshall street), where we will have three cavernous floors of: ramps and craze. and then i'll push all my books and boxes of cut-apart clothes into one more, one more, one more space. this is new but potent. but meanwhile, in another goddamn universe: oh karen, i collided with history and pushed it down onto the sheets. i pressed my memories tight against the real thing and it didn't make any sense at all. real people with realness, with for-real past events. karen, i'm addicted to stories but i want all the editing power. my head's in a state. the past is real. its so ridiculous. if i had the money for a bus and the rest then i'd be at your doorstep tonight. richmond can't stop breaking my heart. even if things turn round in a way that i'd like, in a way that'd get me hot nights and art and discussion, in a way that'd get me some epic release from the 20-year-old multiverse, catapult me onto a balcony up away from the terrible mess i've made on the streets below, it would scare me to death and back. last thursday i said to luke, i have 36 hours to make my self substantial again. i'm afraid of staying here and watching the world circle in circles like it does. its one thing to say: the world moves in circles. but its something altogther different to have the circles circle back and fold into one another like you can't even stomach! before your eyes!
your friend,
anda

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controlccontrolv 2004