Monday, September 06, 2004
dear karen horner, i collided with history and it shook me to the core. i wish i were in philadelphia, removed from all things. six of us are getting a richmond warehouse with an address that is only a fraction (1/2 east marshall street), where we will have three cavernous floors of: ramps and craze. and then i'll push all my books and boxes of cut-apart clothes into one more, one more, one more space. this is new but potent. but meanwhile, in another goddamn universe: oh karen, i collided with history and pushed it down onto the sheets. i pressed my memories tight against the real thing and it didn't make any sense at all. real people with realness, with for-real past events. karen, i'm addicted to stories but i want all the editing power. my head's in a state. the past is real. its so ridiculous. if i had the money for a bus and the rest then i'd be at your doorstep tonight. richmond can't stop breaking my heart. even if things turn round in a way that i'd like, in a way that'd get me hot nights and art and discussion, in a way that'd get me some epic release from the 20-year-old multiverse, catapult me onto a balcony up away from the terrible mess i've made on the streets below, it would scare me to death and back. last thursday i said to luke, i have 36 hours to make my self substantial again. i'm afraid of staying here and watching the world circle in circles like it does. its one thing to say: the world moves in circles. but its something altogther different to have the circles circle back and fold into one another like you can't even stomach! before your eyes!